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PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

15 CENTS EACH 

CRANFORD DAMES. 2 Scenes; 1^ hours 8 

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MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; 1*4 hours 6 

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ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 3Acts; 1*4 hours 4 

SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 

OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20minutes 8 

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BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2 hours..., ,. 80 

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APRIL FOOLS. lAct; SOminutes 

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CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2hours.... 
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| FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPN, 18 Vesey St., N. Y. 



WHOSE WIDOW 



A Comedy in One Act 

By 
HELEN C. CLIFFOED 



Copyright, 1919, By 
FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION 



FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION 

Successor to 

DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Vesey Street Now York 



WHOSE WIDOW 

CHARACTERS 

Marcella Widow 

Katherine Cousin 

Bob Cousin 

Mrs. Marsch Aunt 

Mr. Lippery . . . Society Man 

Mr. Loney Friend 

Sarah , Mr. honey's Aunt 

Servant 

Imposter 

Time. — The Present. Locality. — New York. 

Time of Playing. — 50 minutes. 

COSTUMES 

Appropriate to character portrayed. 



JUL 2b 1919 g, a[) 52286 



1 



WHOSE WIDOW 

Scene. — Interior of an up-to-date living room furnished 
with chairs, settees, tables, etc., as may be available. 
Doors right (r.) and center (c). DISCOVERED: 
Katherine arranging flowers on a small table. 
ENTER hesitatingly, Marcella, d.c. 

Katherine. Marcella. Gracious, how you did 
frighten me. But what under the sun are you doing in 
black? (Runs to Marcella — embraces her) But, dear, 
I am so glad you came. It seems so long since I saw 
your dear face. 

Marcella. I am glad, too, for I feel as if I am going 
to have the time of my life, I do, I do, I do, I do. 

Kath. But, dear, what possessed you to dress in such 
mournful colors. You had better change before mother 
sees you, she is so particular. She will never let you 
dress in black, you, a coming debutante. Why, I Ve 
been out two years already and she won't even let me 
wear it. Come dear, change it for one of your more 
cheerful garments. 

Marcella (sighs). Ah me — I fear, Katherine, you 
haven't grasped the situation. Gaze — before you stands 
a young widow. 

Kath. (falls in chair). Marcella, you haven't 

Marcella. No, I haven't married, but I am a young 
widow by choice. (Sits on stool at Kath. 's feet) You 
see, when father informed me that I was to come here 
and have aunt present me to society as a young, un- 
sophisticated bud, I was really depressed at the idea. 
You see, in Colorado I can do what I want. The people 
all know me and are never surprised at my pranks. Rut 
to have to meet a host of men and have to talk twaddle 
to them, why, Katherine, it is simply appalling. 

3 



Whose Widow 



Kath. But Marcella- 



Marcella. So I hit on this plan. I will be a widow. 
On account of my weeds no one will flirt with me and I 
will be left to do whatever I choose. So I dodged Bob 
at the station — bought the most gorgeous widow's outfit, 
even to this wedding ring. (Shows wedding ring) 

Kath. You don't really mean to tell me that you in- 
tend masquerading as a widow? 

Marcella. Sorry, Katherine, that you take it so hard, 
because a widow I am and a widow 1 11 remain. 

Kath. But mother, what will she think, and she ex- 
pects company this afternoon. 

Marcella (deep thought). Oh! I've got it. You 
come up and help me unpack and when the company ar- 
rives we will come down. You see, aunt will be taken 
at a disadvantage then. She will never deny me pub- 
licly. 

Kath. Say, if you can put this over I will call you 
a wonder. 

[EXIT d.r. Kath. and Marcella, chatting gaily. 

ENTER d.c. Mrs. Marsch and Bob. 

Mrs. Marsch. You say you certainly met that train ? 

Bob. I sure did, but no Marcella was on it. I cannot 
see how she could have escaped me. I was determined 
she would not give me the slip this time as she is in the 
habit of doing if it suits her. 

Mrs. Marsch. Well then, I suppose she missed the 
train and will wait until to-morrow. 

ENTER d.c, Servant. 

Servant. Mr. Lippery calling. [EXIT d.c. 

ENTER d.c. Mr. Lippery. 

Mrs. Marsch. How do you do, Mr. Lippery? 
Bob. How do, John, how is ? 



Whose Widow 5 

ENTER c.d. Marcella. Walks very slowly — downcast 
look, followed by Kath. All stare in astonishment. 

Marcella (goes up to Mrs. Marsch, kisses Tier 
lightly). Aunt. How do, Bob. 

Bob. I must have missed you at the station. 

Marcella. It's of no importance. I found my way 
here all right. I — I — have learned to look out for my- 
self. (An awkward pause) 

Kath. Marcella, dear, I want you to meet an old 

friend of the family's. Mr. Lippery, Miss- Mrs. 

Loney. ("Marcella and Lippery shake hands. Bob and 
Mrs. Marsch exchange wondering glances and retreat 
to back of stage — engage in earnest conversation. Kath. 
moves to l. of stage, arranging flowers and books. Mar- 
cella and Lippery sit on settee) 

Mr. Lippery. Did I understand your name to be 
Loney ? 

Marcella. Yes. 

Mr. Lippery. I wonder if you happen to be related 
to the Loneys of Concord? They are great friends of 
mine. 

Marcella. My husband had no relatives on this side 
of the waters, he was English and stationed in India. 

Mr. Lippery. Eeally ? Perhaps then some kin of Sir 
Frances Loney. 

Marcella. No, I do not recall my dear, departed hus- 
band ever speaking of a Sir Frances Loney. ( Uses hand- 
kerchief to eyes. Kath. catches Mr. Lippery 's eye and 
beckons to him to come over to her) 

Kath. When speaking to my cousin I would not men- 
tion India to her much. You know her husband died 
there. She adored him, but 

Mr. Lippery. Surely he adored her. ("Marcella 
makes funny face at Kath. over Mr, Lippery 's head) 

Kath. Yes — he did adore her — but — he was un- 
worthy of her. Her short married life has made her 
distrust and fear and dislike men. 

Mr. Lippery. That's too bad. We must try to help 
her to forget it. Her bereavement is recent? 



6 Whose Widow 

Kath. Let me see — he died nearly a year ago, I 
think. But, of course, the thing was so sudden, it was 
a shock — she hasn't entirely recovered from the effects 
of it yet. 

Bob. I say, Marcella, mother and I have been having 
a little discussion. Just what year were you married. 
I've forgotten. 

Marcella. To think you could have forgotten, when 
it was you who gave me away. 

Bob. My dear, I — I have such a dreadful memory. 

Marcella. But my (Sobs) wedding day. 

Mr. Lippery. Yes, it is a peculiar fact that affairs 
of the greatest importance will oftentimes slip a man's 
memory. Well, I shall have to cut my visit short as I 
have still another call to make. (Shakes hands all around 
— to Marcella J : I trust that now that you are in New 
York I shall see you again. (To Kath.) You will ar- 
range that, I am sure. 

Kath. Yes, indeed, we will only be too happy to 
take her mind off of bygone happenings. 

[EXIT Mr. Lippery d.c. 

Mrs. Marsch (furious). Now I should like to know 
the meaning for your — your outrageous behaviour. 

Marcella. The whole thing was my original idea. 
(Smiles) I planned it and got the costumes on my way 
up this afternoon, and Katherine was forced to help me. 
For that matter, all of you are as guilty as she ; for you 
helped as much as she did. It is only a harmless mas- 
querade. 

Mrs. Marsch. A harmless masquerade, indeed! 
(Sinks in chair) You come here to my house and pre- 
sent yourself to my guests under an assumed name. 
What will you suppose will happen when Mr. Lippery 
finds this out ? He '11 think we planned this whole thing 
to ridicule him. 

Marcella (gently). Come, come, don't be an old 
bear, I mean don't try to behave like one, because we 
all know you are not one. How is he to know. I intend 
masquerading. You didn't think that I went to all this 
bother just for one night's fun. 



Whose Widow 7 

Mrs. Marsch. What? fBoB and Kath. exchange 
looks of admiration) 

Bob. My dear cousin, what is your object in propos- 
ing such a — a very curious plan? 

Marcella. My object is to acquire the liberty of a 
widow instead of the penned-in state of a debutante. 

Mrs. Marsch. If there was madness in the family, I 
should send for a specialist and have you examined at 
once. 

Marcella. Nonsense, I'm really demonstrating my 
extreme sanity. As a young widow, almost out of mourn- 
ing, I can go about as I please, I shall have the liberty of 
conduct permitted a married woman and yet I shall be 
free of a husband's restraining influence. I shall be 
free to play as much as I like — to flirt, to dance — to have 
a good time. 

Mrs. Marsch. Well, all I can say is that I wash my 
hands out of the whole business but, in the meantime, I 
shall inform your father of this and ask him to call you 
back home again. [EXIT haughtily d.r. 

Marcella (to Kath J. Come along, dear, help me 
unpack. I want to show you the rest of my wonderful 
outfit. 

[EXIT d.r. Marcella and Kath., laughing and 
talking together. 

Bob. Well, if that girl doesn't beat all I have ever 
met. Will she ever grow up? RENTER d.c. Servant 
witl% card on tray — Bob reads it) Mr. Loney. Let — 
me — see. Ah, just the one. He was always playing 
jokes on us boys at college so I will pay him back. (To 
Servant,) All right, show Mr. Loney up. ("EXIT Ser- 
vant,) By Jove, this will be rich. 

ENTER d.c. Mr. Loney. 

Bob (claps Loney on back). How do, old sport. My, 
it seems ages since I last saw you. 

Loney. It seems like old times to see you once again. 
It carries me back to our college days, and the good times 
we had together. How are your mother and sister, I 
trust well? 



8 Whose Widow 

Bob. They are fine, thank you. Say, by the way, we 
have a cousin visiting us and her name is the same as 
yours. I wonder if you are related in any way? 

Loney. I 've a number of relatives by the same name. 

Bob. Well, this one is a widow — husband was an 
Englishman — army man, I think, stationed in India. 

Loney. That must have been Sidney Loney. He was 
an Englishman, stationed in India, and a distant cousin 
of mine. But I 'd no idea he was either married or dead. 
You say his widow is here ? 

Bob. Visiting us. I '11 tell you what I will do, I shall 
go get her so that you can have a talk with her your- 
self. [EXIT d.r. 

Loney. Well, this will certainly be a queer coinci- 
dence if this cousin of Bob's should be related to me 
also; well, funny things 

ENTER d.r. Bob and Marcella, talking. 

Bob. Marcella, I want to present a distant cousin of 
yours, Mr. Jack Loney. 

Marcella. A cousin of mine ? How can that be ? 

Loney. A cousin of your husband. Bob happened 
to mention that your husband was Sidney Loney, and I 
told him that Sidney Loney was a distant cousin of mine, 
so I find myself connected. 

Marcella. I had no idea that my husband was re- 
lated in this part of the world. He was English you 
know. Do you suppose you have in mind the same Sid- 
ney Loney ? 

Loney. Of course. There couldn't be two, both Eng- 
lish, both army men, stationed in India. 

Marcella. — You know he was never very friendly 
with his people. That's why it seemed so odd meeting 
you. (^Marcella gives Bob furious look — Bob grins 
back) 

Loney. I know he was never on intimate terms with 
any of the family. Quarreled with his elders and left 
home. I suppose that's why we hadn't heard of his 
death or even his marriage. He was taken recently? 



Whose Widow 9 

(Marcella nods — brings handkerchief into play — Bob 
rolls eyes sorrowfully over Marcella's bended head) 

Loney. Forgive me if I've hurt yon. 

Marcella. It happened nearly a year ago. (Another 
daub at eyes) But so suddenly that I haven't entirely 
recovered from the shock of it. Please, if you don't 
mind — I like — to forget it all. 

Loney. I've heard something of that. 

Marcella. — You have heard something of what? 

Loney. The sort of a man Sidney was. None of the 
rest of the Loneys are like him. You must let us make 
up to you, if we can, for his defections. 

Marcella. Thank you, I am glad to know you. It is 
pleasant to feel I've so many relatives. I had no idea 
that there were any Loneys who wanted to claim me — 
or whom I should want to know. 

Loney. I dare say you've not a very favorable im- 
pression of the family, of course. 

Marcella. It would be unfair to judge all of the 
Loneys by one — and yet — they say blood will tell. 

Loney. He was an offshoot — an alien. He was no 
more like the rest of the family than 

Bob. I beg your pardon, but I have an errand to at- 
tend to. ("Marcella gives Bob a saucy look — Bob grins 
back) [EXIT Bob d.r. 

Loney. Than you are like any other woman I have 
ever seen. You must help us to make up to you for the 
past. 

Marcella. "Why do you want to make up to me for 
the past ? 

Loney. Because you are too fine and wonderful to 
have been hurt. It is maddening to think one of my own 
kin hurt you. 

Marcella. I see, you feel a certain responsibility. 
What is there that you can do ? The past is gone. You 
can't bring it back and make things as if they hadn't 
been. 

Loney. Poor child, what a 

Marcella. Do you think you'd better go on calling 
me that? 



io Whose Widow 

Loney. What? 

Marcella. Your poor child. 

Loney. Eh, eh — perhaps not, I had not realized what 
I was saying. What may I call you? 

Marcella. Cousin Marcella would be entirely cor- 
rect and not too affectionate. 

Loney. Very well. And you are to feel free to call 
upon me for anything. Try to remember that it is not 
because you are my cousin that I feel this way. If you 
were not my cousin, Mrs. Loney, I should feel the same. 
Your name or your station in life or your past life 
makes no difference. It is to you, I am drawn, it is 
to 

ENTER d.c. Katherine. 

Kath. Good evening, Mr. Loney. I'm sorry to in- 
trude, but I simply had to. Marcella has a most import- 
ant date with me. 

Marcella. Must I keep it, dear? 

Kath. Simply must. 

Loney. Then I shall have to curtail my visit, much 
to my sorrow. But I will see you soon again. 

Marcella. I hope so. 

Loney (walks to d.c, turns). Oh! by the way, cousin 
Marcella, I forgot to mention that my aunt Sarah is 
staying with us at present. I will tell her about you. 
She will call on you. fEXIT d.c. Marcella and Kath. 
stare at one another, horrified) 

Marcella (staring at Kath., horrified). Oh, Lord, 
a woman to deal with. (Both laugh) Oh, come what 
may, but he is certainly wonderful and I 'm beginning to 
lose my head over him entirely. Oh, Katherine ! (Hugs 
Kath. J 

Kath. You unfeeling wretch ! And Sidney only dead 
a year. 

Marcella. Of all the names to select Katherine, and 
of all the families to thrust me into. I 'm to have a visit 
from Aunt Sarah. 

Kath. You've no idea how Mr. Loney 's brother 



Whose Widow n 

pities yon. I had him on the 'phone while you were 
talking in here. I told him all about you and he as- 
sured me that he means to drop in to see you every day 
while you are here. ' ' 

Marcella. Indeed ! If you ask me anything, I think 
it will be a dandy excuse for him to see someone else 
besides me. 

Kath. I fail to understand what you mean. Never- 
theless he insisted that I make you go about. In fact, 
he wants you and me to go to the theatre to-night.. He 
is going to look up an extra man. 

Marcella. Theatre ? Lovely. (Dances around stage 
— stops suddenly) But ought I to go, do you think? 

Kath. By all means. He says you need a little ex- 
citement to take your mind off your unhappy married 
life. 

Marcella. My what? 

Kath. Your unfortunate marriage. He says Sidney 
was a brute and a drunkard. He says the luckiest thing 
that ever happened to you was Sidney leaving you a 
widow so soon, and he's Sidney's cousin, so he ought to 
know. 

Marcella. Good heavens! 

Kath. Poor dear. J heard all about it from Charles. 
No wonder you couldn't bear to confide the details of 
your wretched marriage to the black sheep of the family. 
To think of your going out to India alone with a big 
brute of a man who certainly neglected you and probably 
beat you. 

Marcella. It isn't true. (Stamps foot) I won't 
have you saying such things about my dear departed. 
Besides, if he was so dreadful, you picked him out for 
me — you and Bob. And you are to blame. I never 
heard of him until you thrust him upon me. 

Kath. Well, he's dead anyway, and the sympathy of 
the family and of society is with you. If you do go about 
a little in order to forget, everyone is certain to approve. 

Marcella. Enough! Sidney Lsoney was a beast and 
I've shown him all the respect he deserved. We'll go to 
the theatre as you suggest and I will wear lavender. 



12 Whose Widow 



Kath. You look stunning in lavender, and wear 

ENTER d.r., Mrs. Marsch. 

Mrs. Marsch. See here. Marcella, I will not counte- 
nance your nonsense any longer. You will have to choose 
between stopping this or going back to your father. 

Kath. Mother dear, please do not be so hard on Mar- 
cella. Where is your sense of humor? Why, mother, 
this is only a harmless lark. 

Mrs. Marsch. It may be a lark to you, but it is really 
serious to me. If there was anything to be gained by it, 
I wouldn't mind, but 

Marcella. There is, somebody's happiness may de- 
pend upon it. 

Mrs. Marsch. Where? How? 

Marcella. Secrets. Will you promise not to breathe 
a word ? 

Mrs. Marsch. Yes. 

Marcella. Well, I want to go on being a widow in 
order to test a certain man, because if he should turn 
out to be what he seems, I believe 1 11 marry him. 

Mrs. Marsch. What? Who is the man? 

Marcella. If either of you tell a soul, I'll murder 
you both in cold blood. It's Jack Loney. 

Mrs. Marsch and Kath. (together). Marcella! 

ENTER d.c. Servant. 

Servant. Miss Sarah Loney is downstairs and wishes 
to see Mrs. Loney. ("Marcella despairs — Mrs. Marsch 
furious — Kath. grins) 

Mrs. Marsch. All right, show her up. ( EXIT Ser- 
vant,) There now, see what your harmless lark has 
done. Imagine, having that woman visit us. Katherine, 
I think you had better leave us. 

Kath. Very well, Mother. (Turns at door — grins at 
Marcella,) Wish you luck, dear. 

[EXIT d.r., grinning. 

ENTER c.d., Sarah. 

Sarah. How do, Mary. The boys told me about Mrs. 
Loney being here so I set my heart upon seeing her. 



Whose Widow X3 

Mrs. Marsch. Miss Sarah Loney, Marcella. 

Sarah. Marcella? I thought her name was Nellie. 
I was certain when Sidney wrote when he married, he 
spoke of Nellie. 

Marcella. Probably he did. He always called me 
Nellie. It was a sort of a pet name he had for me. 

Sarah. To think of your coming here and of our 
meeting so strangely. I could hardly believe it when 
Jack told me that he had met Sidney's wife. And a 
widow. Did he make you a good husband? 

Marcella (sobs). Please, please. 

Sarah. Well ! Well, tell me all about yourself, my 
dear. 

Marcella. What is there to tell? I left India as 
soon as the funeral was over — took the first boat out. 

Sarah. And Agnes? She came with you, of course. 
("Marcella gasps — Mrs. Marsch grips chair) 

Marcella. No, I came alone. 

Sarah. Alone ? You don 't mean to say you left your 
own child behind in India ? 

Marcella. N — No, I brought her from India. I left 
her with my sister in — eh — London. 

Sarah. So Sidney died suddenly. Not a violent 
death, I hope? 

Marcella (daubs eyes). He was thrown from his 
horse while he was drunk and trampled. 

Sarah. Dear, dear. (Pats Marcella 's shoulder). 
There, there, my child, it's all in a life time. And time 
mends aches and pains. But, dear, you must pull your- 
self together. You know you have the child to think of. 
Does she take after your side or ours? (Mrs. Marsch 
horrified spectator) 

Marcella. I don't know, some say she is the image 
of — of Sidney. Some think she is like me. You must 
see her yourself some day. 

Sarah. Indeed I shall. I am sailing next week. You 
must give me the address of your sister and I will call 
upon her, especially to see Agnes. ( Marcella much agi- 
tated) 

Marcella. I will — gladly. 



14 Whose Widow 

Sarah (rises). Good-bye, Mary. I'll see yon before 
I sail. [EXIT c.d. 

Marcella. Agnes, indeed! That's a little too much. 

Mrs. Marsch (rocking to and fro). Oh dear, oh dear, 
whatever shall I do, I am disgraced entirely. 

Marcella (puts arms around aunVs neck). Come, 

come, aunt — oh, I know (Loud noise Jieard outside 

— ENTER c.d. Kath. and Bob, followed by Imposter, 
Sarah and Mr. Loney — much excitement ) 

Imposter (going up to bewildered Marcella J. Don't 
faint — I'm not a ghost. The rumors of my death were 
false. Darling, I'm still alive. ("Marcella shrieks — 
falls in faint into his arms — Sarah advances — glances 
at Marcella 's face ) 

Sarah. Come, we had better leave them together. I 
think she is coming around. ("All EXIT c.d. — Bob and 
Kath. beivildered, Mrs. Marsch stunned, Mr. Loney 
perplexed, Sarah triumphant) 

Marcella (as soon as door is closed, glares at Im- 
poster ). Eelease me, release me instantly, do you hear? 

Imposter (sadly). Not glad to see your dear hus- 
band? 

Marcella (fiercely). You know you are not my hus- 
band, and I know it. 

Imposter. Not your husband? But my dear Nellie, 
I am Sidney Loney. If you are Mrs. Loney you must 
be my wife. 

Marcella. I am neither (Stamps foot) Nellie nor 
Mrs. Loney. "What do you mean by coming here and 
claiming me? 

Imposter. A man has a right to see who is using his 
name. A fine reputation you've given me aJl over town, 
I didn't deserve such treatment from you, Nellie. 

Marcella (furious). Don't call me that, I never saw 
you before in my life. I never knew there was a Sidnoy 
Loney, and I had nothing to do with choosing the name. 
My cousin Bob did that and your cousin Jack gave him 
the hint. The whole thing is merely a practical joke. 

Impostex A practical joke, indeed! I guess you'll 



Whose Widow 15 

not be so defiant in jail, with a suit for damages filed 
against you. 

Marcella (wildly). Stop ! You cannot be in ear- 
nest. You wouldn't actually arrest me? 

Imposter. Why not? You are a common imposter, 
aren't you? You wanted to collect on my estate, you 
know about that money waiting for me there. 

Marcella. How dare you insult me like that ! Why, 
I tell you I never heard of you before, and as for col- 
lecting on your estate, why, man, I have so much money 
myself it is becoming rather a burden to me. 

Imposter. Indeed! Well said, my pretty. Never- 
theless, due punishment will be meted out to you. 

Marcella. Please, please — is there nothing that I 
could do to settle this outside of court? 

Imposter. Well — eh — eh — of course, you did a 
beastly thing to circulate those vile things against me. 
No, I don't think I could help you. The law will have to 
take its course. 

Marcella (sobs). Please, please — I will give you 
money, give you anything 

Imposter. Well, I was never known to let a pretty 
woman in distress go unaided — ahem — I might settle it 
if you are willing to forward me a little money — say 
about $10,000.00 — not that I really want the money — 
but just as a sort of a satisfaction, don't you 
know. 

Marcella. Thanks, thanks — ever so much. When 
do you want the money ? 

Imposter. Let — me — see. I sail for India this after- 
noon, so if you could draw the money before then, every- 
thing will be all right. 

Marcella. Oh, that will be fine. I'll pretend to Hie 
folks here that I am going back to India with you. At 
the bank we separate, you to go to India, and I to go 
home to dear old Colorado, never more to leave it. 

Imposter. Fine! Of course, you must realize that 1 
am only doing this as a special favor. My conscience 
rather bothers me, don't you know. 

Marcella. Oh, hang your conscience. Everyone will 



i6 Whose Widow 

think we surely were man and wife and this whole thing 
will blow over in a week or so. 

Imposter. Well — eh — of course, if you say so, I 
guess it is all right. 

Marcella (sighs). "Well now that is settled. I will 
expect you to keep to your part of the contract to go 
away and never bother me again. ' ' 

Imposter. Eeally — eh — you cannot imagine how I 
hate to do this thing. I certainly think you ought to be 
punished. 

Marcella (pleadingly). Come now, do this thing for 
me and I promise you I will never use your name again 
as long as I live. 

Imposter. Well — eh — all right. (Walks to c.d., turns 
back) Oh, by the way, of course I trust you not to say 
a word about my taking the money to anyone. You 
know people might misunderstand my motives. 

Marcella. Never fear, you can depend upon me for 
that. So long, will expect you at 2 :30 sharp. 

[EXIT Imposter c.d. 

ENTER r.d. Mrs. Marsch, Bob and Kath. 

Mrs. Marsch. Now ivliat have you got to say for 
yourself, a harmless masquerade, indeed! 

Marcella. Don't get so excited, dear aunt, I sail 
for India with my dear husband at 4:00 P.M. So you 
see you will be rid of me, and if people inquire where I 
am, say I went back home with my beloved husband. 

Bob and Kath. (together). What! 

Mrs. Marsch. Marcella Jones, I will not stand this 
any longer, please explain instantly. 

Kath. You don't mean to say 

Bob. Surely you haven't 

Marcella. One at a time, please. This is my ex- 
planation. I go out of this house with that man, w T ho, 
by the way, I never saw in my life before, but, of course, 
I don't intend really going to India with him, that is 
only a ruse. 

Mrs. Marsch. Really, I didn't give you credit for 



Whose Widow 17 

that much sense. How — good — of you to decline the in- 
vitation to go to India with him. 

Marcella. Come now, aunt, don't pretend you do 
not understand me; you see, we leave this house to- 
gether in order to give people the impression that he 
really is my husband, in order to spare you the trouble 
of explaining things. 

Mrs. Marsch. How — thoughtful — of you — I must 
admit. You are too good entirely. 

ENTER c.d. Loney, much excited, rushes up to Mar- 
cella, gives her big kiss. All gasp. 

Mr. Loney. Thank God, you are safe. But where, 
oh, where, is that abominable imposter? 

Bob. "Who, what imposter? 

Mr. Loney. Why, that man who pretended to be Sid- 
ney Loney. 

Kath. But wasn't he Sidney? 

Mrs. Marsch. Why, why, what new trick is this? 

Marcella. What ? Do you mean to tell me that that 
wasn't Sidney Loney? Why, I thought 

Mr. Loney. Yes, yes, so did I until I got home. Then 
my dear aunt explained everything. She said she was 
suspicious of you right along, and when she visited you 
and cross-examined you she was positive that you were 
an imposter. 

Mrs. Marsch. How dare she? 

Kath. Well, of all the nerve 

Bob. Gee, this is better than a movie. 

Marcella. Yes, yes, go on, please. (Much agitated ) 

Mr. Loney. You see, she knew Sidney had not died 
and she knew he had invested quite a large sum of money 
on this side of the ocean. She cabled to India and got 
a reply that Sidney was as well as ever and was much 
excited over the news that he had a wife whom he had 
never seen, but would be pleased to meet her. 

Marcella. Yes, yes- 

Bob. Whew ! 

Marcella. Well, I never! 



18 Whose Widow 

Mr. Loney. So in order to try yon out, she unearthed 
this ghost of Sidney's, who, by the way, is the biggest 
rogne on this side of the waters, and laid the plans to 
trap yon. To make a long story short, when yon fainted 
in that scoundrel's arms she knew yon were a fake. 

Marcella. Surely, you don't think that I really 
played this game in order to obtain Sidney's money? 

Mr. Loney. Marcella, how could you doubt me? Do 
you remember the time that I told you I would never 
change my opinion of you no matter what happened, 
and that I would always, always love you — no mat- 
ter 

Marcella. You don't mean to say that after all this 
you think me innocent. (Mrs. Marsch, Bob and Kath. 
make noiseless EXIT d.rJ 

Mr. Loney, Most assuredly. 

Marcella. And you still love me? (Archly) 

Mr. Loney. Marcella, will you marry me? 

Marcella (sighs, sinks in Loney 's arms). I will, 
Jack, under one condition that you promise me never to 
leave me a widow, either a sod or a grass one. 

Mr. Loney. I promise, and I also promise that when 
that thief comes here to collect the money, which I am 
sure he frightened out of you, I will make him see the 
bottom of the stairs sooner than he saw the top. 

CURTAIN. 



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